When writing an email, asking a question, or checking a sentence, you might wonder whether to use who or whom. Both are correct English words, but they serve different grammatical functions. The confusion arises because whom is less common in everyday conversation, where many speakers use who instead. Understanding the difference will help you choose the right word for formal writing, professional communication, and natural conversation.
Quick Answer
Who refers to the subject of a verb, while whom refers to the object of a verb or preposition in traditional grammar.
| Word | Main function | Example |
| Who | Subject of a verb | Who called you? |
| Whom | Object of a verb | Whom did you call? |
| Whom | Object of a preposition | To whom should I send this email? |
| Who | Common informal alternative to whom | Who did you call? |
Both who and whom are correct. Use who in most everyday conversations and whom when formal grammar or a more formal tone calls for it.
Easy memory trick: If you can replace the word with he or they, use who. If you can replace it with him or them, use whom in traditional grammar.
Meaning and Definition
Meaning of Who
Who is a pronoun used to ask about a person or identify someone. It commonly refers to the person performing an action, although it also appears as an object in modern English.
For example:
- Who is knocking at the door?
- Who sent you this message?
- Who did you meet yesterday?
In the first two examples, who is the subject. In the third, it is the object, but its use is natural and standard in everyday English.
Build a stronger understanding of word choice by learning how entwined differs from intertwined in meaning and nuance.
Definition of Who
Who is an interrogative or relative pronoun used to refer to people, particularly as the subject of a clause, and also commonly as an object in contemporary English.
An interrogative pronoun asks a question, as in “Who arrived first?” A relative pronoun introduces a clause that describes someone, as in “The student who won the prize is my friend.”
Meaning of Whom
Whom is a pronoun used to refer to a person who receives an action or follows a preposition. It is especially common in formal writing and carefully structured sentences.
For example:
- Whom did you invite to the wedding?
- To whom should I address the letter?
- The colleague whom I contacted replied promptly.
In these sentences, whom refers to the person being invited, the person receiving the letter, or the colleague contacted.
Definition of Whom
Whom is the objective form of the pronoun who. In traditional grammar, it functions as the object of a verb or the object of a preposition.
In practical terms, use whom when the person is receiving an action rather than performing it, or when the person follows a preposition in formal constructions.
For example, “Whom did she hire?” is traditionally correct because she performs the action of hiring, and whom identifies the person hired.
Main Difference
The main difference between who and whom is their grammatical role, not their meaning. Both refer to people, but traditional grammar distinguishes them according to how they function in a sentence.
| Feature | Who | Whom |
| Grammatical role | Subject | Object |
| Used for people | Yes | Yes |
| Used before a verb as its subject | Yes | No |
| Used as the object of a verb | Common in modern English | Preferred in formal grammar |
| Used after a preposition | Common in informal English | Preferred in formal English |
| Everyday conversation | Very common | Less common |
| Formal writing | Common | Useful when appropriate |
Consider these sentences:
- Who called the manager? The person is performing the action.
- Whom did the manager call? The person is receiving the action.
The difference becomes clearer when you identify who performs the verb’s action and who receives it.
However, sentence position alone does not determine the correct choice. Both words can appear at the beginning of a question or clause. You must examine their grammatical role within that clause.
Which One Is Correct?
Both who and whom are correct English words. The appropriate choice depends on the word’s function in the sentence and the level of formality.
Use who when the pronoun acts as the subject of a verb.
- Who organized the meeting?
- Who wants to join us?
- The woman who manages the office is helpful.
Use whom when the pronoun acts as the object of a verb or preposition in formal English.
- Whom did you invite?
- Whom should we contact?
- The applicant whom we interviewed was qualified.
In everyday American English, using who instead of whom in object positions is widely accepted.
For example, both of these sentences are used in standard English:
- Who did you invite? (Natural in everyday conversation)
- Whom did you invite? (More formal)
However, when a preposition comes directly before the pronoun, whom is the standard formal choice.
- Formal: To whom should I send the documents?
- Conversational: Who should I send the documents to?
Grammar and Usage
Understanding how who and whom function within a sentence makes the choice much easier.
Who as a Subject Pronoun
A subject performs an action or is the person being described by a verb.
Examples:
- Who prepared this report?
- Who is responsible for the project?
- The teacher who explained the lesson was patient.
In the first sentence, who performs the action of preparing. In the third, who is the subject of the verb explained.
Whom as an Object Pronoun
An object receives an action or completes the meaning of a verb.
Examples:
- Whom did you select for the position?
- Whom are they inviting?
- The author whom I interviewed was friendly.
In these examples, the subjects are you, they, and I. The pronoun whom refers to the people receiving the actions of selecting, inviting, and interviewing.
Who and Whom After Prepositions
A preposition is a word such as to, with, for, about, or from that expresses a relationship between words.
In formal English, use whom directly after a preposition.
Examples:
- To whom did you speak?
- With whom are you traveling?
- For whom was this package intended?
- From whom did you receive the information?
In less formal English, the preposition usually appears at the end of the question, and who is common.
- Who did you speak to?
- Who are you traveling with?
- Who was this package intended for?
These conversational alternatives are natural and widely accepted.
Who and Whom in Relative Clauses
A relative clause gives additional information about a person or thing.
Use who when the pronoun is the subject of the relative clause.
- The employee who answered the phone was polite.
- I know someone who speaks five languages.
Use whom when the pronoun is the object in a formal construction.
- The employee whom I called answered promptly.
- The professor whom we invited accepted the offer.
In everyday English, who is also common in these object positions.
- The employee who I called answered promptly.
- The professor who we invited accepted the offer.
In some defining relative clauses, the object pronoun can be omitted entirely: “The employee I called answered promptly.”
Who and Whom in Indirect Questions
An indirect question is a question reported or embedded within another sentence.
Examples:
- I wonder who sent the invitation.
- Can you tell me who is in charge?
- I don’t know whom she invited.
- Please tell me to whom I should address the application.
The key is to examine the pronoun’s role inside the embedded clause, not simply its position in the complete sentence.
For example, in “I don’t know who called,” who is the subject of called. In “I don’t know whom she called,” whom is the object of called in formal grammar.
How to Use Who or Whom
Follow these practical steps to select the appropriate pronoun.
Step 1: Identify the Verb
Find the action or linking verb associated with the person you are asking about.
Example: “_____ sent the invitation?”
The verb is sent. The unknown person performs the action, so use who.
Correct: Who sent the invitation?
Learn how writers compare different things through common simile expressions and their meanings in context.
Step 2: Identify the Subject and Object
Determine who performs the action and who receives it.
Example: “_____ did Maria invite?”
Maria performs the action of inviting. The unknown person receives the invitation, so traditional grammar calls for whom.
Formal: Whom did Maria invite?
Conversational: Who did Maria invite?
Step 3: Try the He or Him Test
Replace the pronoun with a personal pronoun to see which form fits.
| Replacement | Pronoun to choose | Example |
| He or she | Who | Who arrived? She arrived. |
| Him or her | Whom in formal grammar | Whom did you call? I called him. |
| They | Who | Who made the decision? They did. |
| Them | Whom in formal grammar | Whom did they select? They selected them. |
Remember that the test can require you to rearrange the sentence. Focus on the grammatical role of the person, rather than copying the original word order.
Step 4: Check for a Preposition
If the sentence places a preposition directly before the pronoun, whom is generally the formal choice.
- To whom should I write?
- With whom did you collaborate?
- About whom are you speaking?
For everyday conversation, you can usually move the preposition to the end and use who.
- Who should I write to?
- Who did you collaborate with?
- Who are you speaking about?
Step 5: Consider the Context
Choose the form that suits the situation.
- Casual conversation: Who did you meet?
- Professional email: Whom should I contact? or Who should I contact?
- Formal letter: To whom it may concern.
- Academic writing: The researcher whom the committee selected.
The goal is to communicate clearly while following the conventions appropriate to your audience.
Examples
Examples of Who
- Who is waiting outside?
- Who called you this morning?
- Who prepared the presentation?
- Who wants another cup of coffee?
- Who is responsible for updating the website?
- The student who won the competition received a scholarship.
- I know a designer who creates beautiful illustrations.
- Who do you think will win the match?
- She asked who had sent the package.
- Can you tell me who handles customer complaints?
Notice that who can function as a subject even when it appears inside a longer question, as in “Who do you think will win the match?”
Examples of Whom
- Whom did you invite to dinner?
- Whom should we contact about the problem?
- To whom should I submit the application?
- With whom did you attend the conference?
- The candidate whom the company selected accepted the offer.
- The doctor whom I consulted explained the treatment options.
- The client for whom we prepared the proposal approved it.
- She is someone whom I greatly admire.
- The manager, whom everyone respected, retired last year.
- Several applicants attended the interview, two of whom had relevant experience.
These examples demonstrate whom as the object of a verb, the object of a preposition, and the object within a relative clause.
Examples of Who vs. Whom in Similar Sentences
Comparing similar sentences makes the grammatical difference easier to recognize.
| Who example | Whom example |
| Who called the doctor? | Whom did the doctor call? |
| Who invited Sarah? | Whom did Sarah invite? |
| Who helped the student? | Whom did the student help? |
| Who selected the winner? | Whom did the judges select? |
| Who spoke to the manager? | To whom did the manager speak? |
In each pair, the person performing the action changes. Identify the subject of the relevant verb before deciding which pronoun to use.
Common Mistakes
1. Using Whom as the Subject
Incorrect: Whom is coming to the meeting?
Correct: Who is coming to the meeting?
Why it happens: Some writers assume whom sounds more educated or formal. However, it cannot replace who when the pronoun is the subject in traditional grammar.
2. Avoiding Whom in Every Formal Sentence
Less formal: Who should I send this letter to?
More formal: To whom should I send this letter?
Why it happens: Many speakers use who for nearly every purpose. Although this is common in conversation, formal writing may favor whom, particularly after a preposition placed at the beginning of a clause.
3. Choosing Whom Because It Appears at the Beginning
Incorrect: Whom do you think will win?
Correct: Who do you think will win?
Why it happens: The pronoun appears at the beginning of the complete question, so writers mistakenly assume it must be an object.
The embedded clause is “who will win.” Within that clause, who performs the action of winning. The phrase do you think does not change that role.
4. Choosing Who Because It Appears Before a Verb
Consider this sentence:
“Who do you think she invited?”
Here, who is the object of invited in traditional grammar, even though it appears before the verb in the complete question.
Formal alternative: “Whom do you think she invited?”
Why it happens: The subject and verb of the main clause can distract writers from the pronoun’s role inside the embedded clause.
5. Using Whom After Every Preposition Without Checking the Clause
Incorrect: The person to whom called me was unavailable.
Correct: The person who called me was unavailable.
Why it happens: The writer notices the word to elsewhere in the sentence and assumes whom is needed. The choice depends on the pronoun’s actual grammatical relationship, not on the presence of a preposition somewhere nearby.
6. Applying the He or Him Test Without Rearranging the Sentence
Incorrect reasoning: “Who did she invite?” must use who because the question begins with it.
Correct formal form: “Whom did she invite?”
Test: She invited him, not she invited he.
Why it happens: English questions often place the object before the subject and verb. Rewriting the clause as a statement helps reveal the pronoun’s function.
Linguistic Insight
Why English Has Both Who and Whom
The distinction between who and whom reflects an older grammatical system in English. Historically, pronouns had different forms depending on whether they served as subjects, objects, or possessives.
Modern English still preserves several of these distinctions:
- I and me
- He and him
- She and her
- They and them
- Who and whom
The first form in each pair generally serves as a subject, while the second is used for objects. The distinction remains especially clear in personal pronouns such as he and him.
Why Whom Is Less Common Today
Over time, English has reduced many grammatical distinctions that were more prominent in earlier stages of the language. The use of who in object positions has existed for centuries and is common in contemporary speech.
As a result, whom is now more strongly associated with formal writing, official correspondence, and certain established expressions. This does not mean that whom is obsolete or incorrect. It remains useful when the context calls for it.
Is the Difference the Same in American and British English?
The basic traditional distinction is the same in both varieties. However, everyday usage in both American and British English commonly favors who over whom in object positions.
Formal writing in either variety may preserve whom, especially after a preposition. The choice is more closely related to formality and sentence structure than to a strict American-versus-British difference.
Does Whom Sound More Formal?
Yes, in many contexts. Compare these questions:
- Who are you talking to?
- To whom are you speaking?
Both communicate essentially the same information, but the second sounds more formal. The difference is partly grammatical and partly stylistic, since the placement of the preposition also affects the tone.
Usage Tips
- Remember the M: Whom and him both end in the letter m. This can help you remember that whom is the object form.
- Find the subject: Ask who performs the action. If the unknown person performs it, choose who.
- Find the object: If the unknown person receives the action, whom is the traditional formal choice.
- Check the preposition: Use whom after a preposition in formal constructions, such as “for whom” and “with whom.”
- Do not judge by word order alone: A pronoun at the beginning of a question can still function as an object.
- Use natural language: In everyday conversation, who is usually the more natural choice when asking about an object.
- Learn common expressions: Remember phrases such as “to whom it may concern” and “many of whom.”
- Check the complete clause: In sentences with more than one clause, identify the verb associated with the pronoun before choosing the form.
Expert Suggestion
For English learners, students, and professional writers, the most useful approach is to learn the traditional rule while recognizing how people actually speak.
When writing a formal letter, academic paper, or official document, check whether whom is appropriate as an object or after a preposition. In ordinary conversation, using who in object positions is generally natural and acceptable.
If you are uncertain, rewrite the sentence as a statement and substitute he or him. This simple technique usually reveals the correct traditional form without requiring you to memorize complicated grammar rules.
Above all, prioritize clarity. Using whom correctly can add formality, but using who naturally is not automatically a grammatical mistake.
Summary
- Who is traditionally used as the subject of a verb.
- Whom is traditionally used as the object of a verb or preposition.
- Both words are correct English pronouns.
- In everyday conversation, who commonly replaces whom in object positions.
- In formal writing, whom remains useful, especially after prepositions.
- The he/him test helps identify which form traditional grammar requires.
- Always examine the pronoun’s role within its own clause instead of relying only on word order.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is the difference between who and whom?
Who is traditionally the subject form, while whom is the object form. For example, “Who called?” asks about the person performing the action, while “Whom did you call?” asks about the person receiving it.
2. Is who or whom correct?
Both are correct. Use who for subjects and whom for objects in traditional grammar. In modern conversational English, who is also widely accepted as an object.
3. Is whom grammatically correct?
Yes. Whom is a standard English pronoun used as the object of a verb or preposition. It is especially common in formal writing and expressions such as “to whom it may concern.”
4. Can I use who instead of whom?
Yes, in many everyday questions and relative clauses. For example, “Who did you invite?” is natural and widely accepted, even though traditional formal grammar prefers “Whom did you invite?”
5. Should I use who or whom in a formal email?
Use whom when it functions as an object and the formal tone suits the message. For example, “To whom should I address this request?” However, who remains appropriate as a subject and is also acceptable in many object questions.
6. Is it who do you think or whom do you think?
It depends on the rest of the sentence. Say “Who do you think will win?” because who is the subject of will win. Say “Whom do you think she invited?” in traditional formal grammar because the pronoun is the object of invited.
7. Is it who did you speak to or whom did you speak to?
Both are used. “Who did you speak to?” is more natural in everyday conversation. “Whom did you speak to?” follows traditional formal grammar, while “To whom did you speak?” is more formal still.
8. Is it who should I contact or whom should I contact?
Both are used in standard English. Whom should I contact? follows the traditional formal rule because the pronoun is the object of contact. Who should I contact? is common and natural in contemporary English.
9. Is it who I met or whom I met?
Both forms occur in standard English, but they differ in formality. “Whom I met” follows the traditional object rule, while “who I met” is common in modern usage. For example, “She is the person whom I met” is formal, while “She is the person who I met” is more conversational.
10. Why does whom end with m?
The ending reflects an older grammatical distinction between subject and object forms. It is still visible in pairs such as he/him and they/them. The final m also makes the him substitution test an easy way to remember whom.
11. Do Americans use whom?
Yes. American English retains whom, especially in formal writing, official correspondence, and expressions such as “to whom it may concern.” However, Americans commonly use who instead in everyday conversation.
12. Is whom outdated or obsolete?
No. Whom is still a standard English pronoun. Although it is less frequent in everyday speech than who, it remains useful in formal writing and particular grammatical constructions.
13. How can I remember when to use who and whom?
Use the he/him test. If he or they fits the subject position, choose who. If him or them fits the object position, choose whom in traditional grammar.
14. Can whom be used after a preposition?
Yes. This is one of its most familiar uses. Examples include “to whom,” “with whom,” “for whom,” and “about whom.” In less formal English, the preposition often moves to the end, where who is commonly used.
15. Which is better for English learners, who or whom?
Learn both forms, but focus first on using who correctly as a subject. Then learn whom for formal object constructions and prepositional phrases. Recognizing the difference will help you understand formal writing and communicate naturally in everyday English.
